


Good Intentions

by watermelonikaz



Category: Holostars, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Babudon Mutual Pining, Cheating, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Possessive Behavior, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Top!Miyabi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29559279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermelonikaz/pseuds/watermelonikaz
Summary: “Don’t. You’ll regret it,” Shien said, his head turning to meet Temma’s gaze head-on. Despite his words, there was a sad longing in his eyes. Temma felt a small pinprick of pain in his chest. He wanted Shien to be happy. Seeing the other man like this felt so very wrong.“Close your eyes,” Temma whispered, a part of him still hoping that Shien would fight back somehow or push him away with more than just words.Please, Temma thought. Though he didn’t know what he was praying for. Not anymore.------Basically, Temma cheats on a possessive Miyabi with Shien who is in love with Roberu who is in love with him but isn't saying anything. Astel is there too, being Astel. Somehow, he is the best man out of all of them.It's painful, but they get a happy ending... I think.
Relationships: Astel Leda/Kishido Temma, Hanasaki Miyabi/Kishido Temma, Kageyama Shien/Yukoku Roberu, Kishido Temma/Kageyama Shien
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	Good Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> For Aby, the NTR. For Furen, the "sexy angst."

_The road to hell is paved with good intentions._

There was no guilt in the beginning. No emotion or action that would trigger even the strongest moral compass. Maybe that’s why it went on for as long as it did. Because nothing they did felt _wrong_ until it was too late.

It started with, of all things, an anime movie. Shien had invited everyone to see it with him, but it was hard to align schedules when everyone had different priorities at that time. Roberu and Aruran were too busy streaming, Oga had already seen it, Rikka had a previous commitment, and Izuru lived too far.

Astel was on a rare vacation so he didn’t even see the invite until hours later when he was already booked into some sort of hot spring miles away from everyone else.

That left Temma and Miyabi, but Miyabi had a static on the day Shien ultimately picked for his little outing. Temma didn’t know what a static was, exactly, but he gathered it was some sort of FFXIV thing Miyabi did with his online friends. It was one of those topics Temma never really bothered to ask about. They’d been together for months now, but he wasn’t the type of person who pried into every little thing his partner did.

In Temma’s opinion, Miyabi did enough stalking for the both of them. Everything Temma did, Miyabi found a way to ask him about. Often, he’d even surprise Temma by playing the exact same game later on. Temma found it endearing mostly, though there were times when he thought Miyabi’s possessiveness was a little bit too much.

It sometimes felt like Miyabi didn’t trust him, but Temma tried to think about it positively. Miyabi only asked about so much because he cared. It was part of how he showed affection and that was okay.

Besides, the questions were a good indicator for Temma for when he needed to adjust his behavior. Miyabi didn’t outright say things like ‘don’t go to that meet-up’ or ‘that girl is into you, so stop talking to her’. Instead, things like that were phrased as innocent questions -- ‘why is the meet-up so late at night?’ or ‘why does she message you constantly?’ -- and Temma was thankful for the hints on when he was making Miyabi uncomfortable.

It was a system that worked between them perfectly except for that one time it didn’t.

Miyabi, after all, had no reason to question Temma meeting up with Shien to watch a movie. Especially since Miyabi himself had been invited and was only declining for his own personal reasons.

There was absolutely no warning and no discomfort. 

“Have fun,” Miyabi had even said over LINE messaging after Temma had said he was on his way out the door. “Tell Shien I’m sorry I couldn’t come!”

* * *

The movie made both Shien and Temma tear-up. It hit emotional notes both of them were susceptible to, and despite the reputations they wanted to present to the world -- a strong mafia boss and a gallant knight -- they were both soft-hearted in person.

They shuffled out of the theater while rubbing at their eyes, awkward laughs shared between them as they joked about how pathetic they must look to random passersby.

“You have nothing to worry about though,” Shien pointed out good-naturedly. “You already have Miyabi so you don’t need to look good for anyone else.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Temma complained. Looking stupid was still looking stupid, after all. In fact, if Miyabi was here, he’d even tease Temma for this kind of reaction for sure. “Miyabi isn’t even here.”

“You’re right,” Shien conceded with a soft laugh. “What did you say he was doing again? And oh, do you mind if we drop by Animate? I want to see if they have anything new.”

Temma nodded and Shien turned to lead the way. He thought nothing of the question about Miyabi. It was a normal thing to ask. “He’s playing FFXIV.”

“Oh, cool,” Shien said. It actually sounded like he was impressed, so Temma wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt a bit defensive.

“It’s just one of those scheduled raids, I think,” Temma said, walking a bit faster so he could keep pace at Shien’s side. “He would’ve come with us at any other time, I’m sure.”

Even as Shien agreed and the topic of their conversation flowed naturally into something else, Temma wondered if it was true. Miyabi didn’t like going out much -- he seemed to find it exhausting -- so most of their outside dates were short. If they did go out on a long date, Miyabi would take days to recover, preferring to shut himself in afterwards and communicate through calls and messages.

Temma wasn’t exactly a big extrovert himself, sure, but he did go out of his way when it came to his friends. He liked meeting up with them just to hang-out and catch-up on things. He would’ve preferred to see Miyabi more often as well since they were dating. There was only so much one could do over the internet, after all.

Touch, for example, was hard to replicate online. And Temma liked being touched by his partner -- most people did -- so he wished Miyabi would agree to see him personally more often.

Ah, but what was he thinking? This line of thought was dangerous. They were both doing their best when it came to this relationship, weren’t they? He should stop dwelling on things he wished he could change between them!

“Temma,” Shien said, one of his hands landing on Temma’s shoulder and breaking the blond’s train of thought immediately. “You’re zoning out. Am I really that boring to talk to?”

“No, no, not at all,” Temma said, letting out a soft laugh. He was painfully aware of Shien’s hand on his shoulder, probably because he’d been stupidly thinking about how he wished Miyabi would touch him more. “Sorry, I was just remembering the movie. What were you saying again?”

Shien pouted, and Temma shouldn’t have found that adorable, but he did. He kept the thought to himself and figured -- again -- that he was just sensitive at that time because of the movie, and because he’d been thinking about Miyabi.

There wasn’t any real attraction there at all. There couldn’t be.

* * *

Temma didn’t think there was anything wrong with meeting Shien again and Miyabi seemed to share in that assessment. Because again, Miyabi had been invited. And again, Miyabi had declined.

“It’s understandable,” Shien said, as he stood beside Temma in front of a vast array of vegetables at the supermarket. He seemed contemplative as he picked up various bundled greens and placed them back down. “Shopping for food isn’t exciting.”

“True,” Temma agreed. “But he needs to eat better, and this is a good opportunity for a cooking lesson from a pro.”

“Lower your expectations, I’m not that good of a cook,” Shien said, a light flush coming to his cheeks. “Robe-san oversold how good it was. He doesn’t eat much, so maybe any kind of food is delicious to him.”

 _Robe-san_ , Temma repeated to himself in his mind. He felt like he was on the verge of understanding something about Shien, but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was at that moment. Shien’s tail was wagging and Temma was distracted by how soft it looked.

“I know you’re not really that modest,” Temma laughed. “I hosted the very same event when you bragged his favorite food is your curry.”

Shien’s blush deepened. He bumped Temma’s shoulder with his own, possibly because his hands were full with the basket he was holding and the vegetables. Temma didn’t move away, so their shoulders stayed pressed together as Shien leaned in to hiss a complaint. “Shut up. I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“Huh,” Temma said, his tone one of wonder. “You have a really nice voice when it’s up close like this. I think I understand your appeal now.”

Shien blinked, his mouth opening to say something. Nothing came out. He seemed at a loss for words for a moment before he looked away and back towards the vegetables. The distance between their bodies went back to something that could be called normal as Shien moved away.

“You don’t have to sound so amazed,” Shien said finally. He finished picking vegetables, placing the items in the basket and moving towards a different section of the grocery. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I wasn’t making fun of you, honest,” Temma replied with a laugh as he fell into step beside Shien. For him, it had been a sincere compliment. Up until that moment, he really hadn’t realized what people meant when they called Shien sexy. When Shien was with him, the other man was usually just a friend he couldn’t see in any other way. 

Shien grumbled something under his breath. It sounded like a curse. His ears twitched and he looked embarrassed for a moment. “Well, thanks for finding me appealing, I suppose.”

Temma laughed again and held out a hand, tilting his head at the basket. “You’re welcome. Here, let me carry that for you so I’m not so useless.”

“Right,” Shien said, handing the basket over. When their hands touched during the exchange, he flashed a smirk that many people had already called dangerous. “I always knew what was appealing about you, by the way.”

* * *

The meet-ups continued. Shien stopped inviting the others, possibly because he was tired of being turned down. At some point, Temma stopped telling Miyabi who he was meeting as well. It seemed stupid to have to keep adding ‘Shien might be there’ when he told Miyabi he was going out to do normal everyday things like picking up groceries or biking around for exercise. He still told Miyabi what he was doing, of course, just not with who.

Perhaps that should’ve been the clue that he was already on the way to doing something wrong, but at that time, Temma just didn’t want to worry his boyfriend. Miyabi would probably get suspicious -- why Miyabi would get suspicious was something Temma didn’t want to think too deeply about -- about Shien and Temma meeting weekly. Temma didn’t want to upset his boyfriend in any way. He wanted to keep Miyabi happy.

A good intention, so to speak. That was all it was. That’s why he didn’t say anything.

“How’s Miyabi?” Shien asked, sliding into the chair across from Temma. They were at a newly opened cafe, curiosity leading them to stop here after they’d done their weekly shopping. He placed a hot cup in front of Temma and leaned back in his chair to sip at his own drink.

Friends did this type of thing all the time, didn’t they?

“He’s okay. We saw each other last Wednesday,” Temma replied easily. He wasn’t doing anything wrong by keeping this from Miyabi. Heck, they weren’t even talking about anything taboo. “I think he changed his shampoo. It smells sweeter now, like strawberries.”

Shien laughed softly. Temma felt himself shiver slightly at the sound, but he told himself it was from the cold and nothing else.

“Bet you ate him all up afterwards, huh? Naughty,” Shien teased. He took a sip of his drink and seemingly enjoyed it so much that he made a little sound of pleasure. “Mmm. This is good. It’s very sweet.”

 _His voice is incredibly unfair_ , Temma thought but didn’t say aloud. Instead, he sipped at his own drink. It was sweet at first, but there seemed to be a shot or two of espresso in there. The bitterness was abrupt, but at the same time, the blend was still fantastic.

“This is good too,” Temma said, licking his lips as he tried to process what he’d just tasted. “Wanna try?”

As they swapped drinks and silently drank together, Temma tried to bring his thoughts back to Miyabi. Their meeting the previous Wednesday had gone smoothly. He’d taken Miyabi to dinner and then to see a light show downtown. Afterwards, they’d stopped at a love hotel to do things they couldn’t do at their own homes. Temma, because he lived with his parents and Miyabi -- Miyabi never wanted Temma in his house for some reason. He said it wasn’t ready, whatever that meant.

Maybe he was building a dungeon.

Miyabi was always friendly in public, but in private he had some sort of sadistic streak in him that Temma found incredibly thrilling. The redhead would take the lead whenever they did anything sexual, and though their encounters were always more than satisfying, Temma sometimes wondered what it’d be like if he was the one taking the initiative instead.

And did he want to do such a thing? Pinning Miyabi down seemed like a scary prospect more than anything else. He’d probably get punished severely for that. Not that he didn’t enjoy Miyabi’s more adventurous _punishments_ , of course, but there were times when he wanted something sweet for once.

Was it too much to ask that Miyabi hold him gently?

“This is a bit bitter, Temma,” Shien said, making a face. He placed the cup down on the table and reached out to grab his drink back from Temma’s grasp. His hand covered Temma’s own and he pulled a little bit. “Gimme mine.”

“We can share,” Temma said, his blue eyes studying Shien now as if seeing him for the first time. “I like this one better too.”

* * *

Temma treated it like a game at first, trying to hit on the right combination of actions and words to get Shien to open up more to him. It was surprisingly easy. Just a little bit of prodding and Shien was all too ready to talk about the one person he did love: Roberu.

“But it’s hopeless,” Shien said with a sigh. He placed the controller down and leaned his head back on his bed. They were in Shien’s house, sitting on the floor of his bedroom and trying out a fighting game. Their backs were against the side of Shien’s bed, but they were a good distance away from each other so it was casual. Normal. Nothing to worry about.

Temma had told Miyabi about this, at least -- _I’m happy you’re getting closer to the others_ , Miyabi had said, and Temma had ignored the small part of him that had wanted to lash out at that statement -- and so his conscience was clear even when it probably shouldn’t have been.

In the end, what he really wanted was to have this sort of comfortable connection with Miyabi. Just as Shien very obviously wanted this sort of thing with Roberu.

“I think Robe-san doesn’t even see me,” Shien continued. He sounded a little bit sad now, and Temma tried to keep his eyes on the screen, his character jumping up and down as he tried different combos in the 2-player training room they were in.

He didn’t want to look at Shien when the other man got like this. It made him want to do things that were completely inappropriate for their relationship.

“Impossible,” Temma said finally. He pressed a few buttons and activated a special, sending Shien’s character flying before it got right back up and regained full health. “You’re not the kind of person that can be ignored. You’re pretty much what they call wife-material, aren’t you? Have you seen Roberu’s morning streams? You get brought up as a romantic prospect a lot.”

Shien let out a long sigh. Temma narrowed his eyes at the screen, trying to focus through the sudden heat he felt flooding his cheeks. Had he gone too far with his compliments? He hoped not. 

For a few seconds, neither of them said anything.

“But I don’t really have any experience,” Shien admitted quietly. “I’ve read and watched things, so I have all these expectations… in real life, it plays out differently. I don’t know what I’m doing. When I tell him what I feel, he acts like I’m joking.”

“Don’t sound so depressed, it’s distracting,” Temma muttered. He felt a little bit of his control slip away and spared a glance at Shien out of the corner of his eyes.

Fuck. Looking was a mistake. Shien looked like a kicked puppy, ears drooping and mouth turned down into a frown.

“I’m sure Roberu likes you back,” Temma tried, but his voice sounded wrong to his own ears. Breathless and a little bit higher than he wanted it to be. He was nervous. “If he doesn’t, then he’s stupid.”

A small and pitiful smile formed on Shien’s lips. “Thanks, Temma, but let’s be real here. I’m just an inexperienced otaku who--”

Temma moved then, dropping the controller as he reached out to cover Shien’s mouth with his hand. Their eyes met and he could feel Shien’s warm breath against his palm, the softness of his lips pressed against Temma’s suddenly sensitive skin.

 _No_ , Temma told himself at that moment. Would his hesitation have mattered to Miyabi? _No!_

“Stop-- stop badmouthing yourself,” Temma said, his voice breaking a bit. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You’re one of the sweetest guys I know. Having you as a partner would make anybody happy, even that loudmouthed idiot friend of ours.”

He pulled his hand away from Shien’s mouth and closed it into a fist, trying to summon every single reserve of self-control that he had. This was wrong. It was dangerous. He should leave.

“...I don’t know what to say,” Shien said, his exhalation loud and shaky. He looked away. “Thanks, I guess. You’re really nice yourself. Miyabi is very lucky.”

The mention of Miyabi should’ve put more distance between them, since it was a reminder how close they both were to the edge of doing something dangerous. Instead, it had the opposite effect. It just reminded Temma of everything he wanted from Miyabi that he couldn’t have.

He wanted Miyabi to depend on him. He wanted Miyabi to pamper him. He wanted-- 

“Shien,” Temma said, moving closer of his own accord.

“Don’t. You’ll regret it,” Shien said, his head turning to meet Temma’s gaze head-on. Despite his words, there was a sad longing in his eyes. Temma felt a small pinprick of pain in his chest. He wanted Shien to be happy. Seeing the other man like this felt so very wrong.

“Close your eyes,” Temma whispered, a part of him still hoping that Shien would fight back somehow or push him away with more than just words.

 _Please_ , Temma thought. Though he didn’t know what he was praying for. Not anymore.

Shien’s eyes closed and Temma severed the distance between their mouths, their lips pressing together in an overall very gentle kiss. Something deniable. Like it hadn’t even happened.

But then Shien’s hands were grasping at his shirt and pulling him closer, the warm mouth opening beneath Temma’s own and giving him permission. Miyabi was never this pliant. Never this sweet. 

Temma deepened the kiss, his own eyes closing as the last of his resistance gave way.

* * *

“It’s disgusting. You don’t have to,” Shien said quietly, though he wasn’t exactly pushing Temma away. There was a half-hearted attempt to cover his crotch, but there was no hiding the growing bulge in his pants that became more obvious the longer they kissed. Temma palmed the area gently and Shien’s ears twitched, his tail seemingly straightening in what must’ve been either surprise or pleasure. Maybe both.

“Think of him,” Temma whispered, already moving down and working on freeing Shien’s erection from the clothes confining it. Now that he’d gotten this far, he didn’t want to leave Shien hanging. They were finishing this, one way or another.

He didn’t receive a confirmation that Shien had heard him, at least not until he’d properly wrapped his mouth around the head of Shien’s cock and moved down, deep-throating him. It was a maneuver Miyabi had urged Temma to learn after many sessions of practice. He liked to think he was good at it now. 

The moan that tore from Shien was shaky, but there was only pleasure there. His hands fisted in Temma’s hair.

“ _Robe-san_.”

* * *

Temma’s hands were shaking and his eyes were burning. He was on his knees in Shien’s bathroom, attempting to induce some sort of gag reflex so he could throw up everything he’d swallowed on impulse. He didn’t know what had come over him, but the sharp taste of Shien’s pleasure in his mouth -- he could still feel and taste _everything_ \-- had brought him back to reality.

What had he done?! What was wrong with him?! He’d fucked up. This was bad. This was the worst. He wanted to die.

 _It’s disgusting_ , Shien had said before Temma had crossed the line. He was absolutely right. What Temma had done was disgusting. He wasn’t even sure _why_ he’d done it. 

To make Shien happy? To satisfy his own selfishness? It was probably a mixture of both. Temma had wanted to be _needed_ and it had felt good for him too, even if he hadn’t allowed Shien to return the favor.

It was enough that one of them was going to hell and it was fitting that it would be him.

* * *

“Temma, I--” Shien started, when Temma had finally exited the bathroom after what felt like hours of trying to scrub himself free of his own sins. He’d redressed in his old clothes, however, so he still felt dirty in the end. He even smelled like Shien’s _shampoo_ , for fuck’s sake. There was no escape from what he’d done.

Shien was standing right outside, wringing his hands like a worried grandmother. It didn’t suit him. Temma thought that Shien looked better when he was confident, no matter how dorky that confidence turned out to be in the end. “About what happened--”

“It’s fine,” Temma cut Shien off, not wanting to discuss anything about what they’d done. Talking about it seemed to make it more _real_ , though inwardly Temma knew that his mindset about the matter didn’t make any sense. He smiled at Shien and hoped the expression didn’t look as wrong on his face as it felt. “We’re good, Shien. Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry if I messed things up between us.”

“Oh,” Shien said. A flush came to his cheeks. “No, that’s not what I was going to say.”

 _Unfair_ , Temma thought then. He suppressed his instinct to reach out and ruffle Shien’s hair fondly. _He still looks untouched._

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Shien continued, looking earnest. Temma swallowed, his throat suddenly dry at the words. This wasn’t the outcome he had expected. “No one’s ever done that for me before. Even when I was calling someone else’s name--”

“I’d do it all again in a heartbeat,” Temma admitted. Maybe it made him a messed-up person inside, but if Shien was going to react like this, Temma wasn’t going to deny that it made him happy.

It was like someone was finally recognizing all the effort he put in to impress the people he cared about.

Shien let out a startled little laugh and Temma joined him.

“You’re crazy,” Shien said afterwards, but the words sounded fond coming from him. “Come on, I’ll cook you dinner to make it up to you. You can stay the night.”

“Sure,” Temma said. He felt like he was being torn apart in two different directions. His heart was with Miyabi -- it always had been -- but that didn’t mean he was immune to Shien. He wanted both people to be happy no matter what. “But don’t tell Miyabi.”

“I won’t. I’m not that stupid,” Shien said seriously. He moved closer, dipping his head in to plant a quick kiss on Temma’s cheek. “If anyone asks, nothing happened.”

* * *

They didn’t do anything sexual again. Maybe a few kisses here and there -- Shien’s practice for Roberu, they both joked -- but that one moment on that unfortunate day was the farthest they’d ever go.

Despite that, Temma felt guilty. It ate away at him from the inside and so he tried to appease the feeling by being extra nice to Miyabi. Sweeter. More submissive. Whatever Miyabi wanted, Temma tried to give. If Miyabi had asked him to fling himself into Tokyo bay and drown, he would have gladly done it. He even said it in a joking manner on one of their dates.

Miyabi’s eyes narrowed at him then, a suspicious look coming onto his face. They’d bantered a lot, joked in a way that would’ve made outsiders think they were enemies rather than lovers. Temma had said worse things before and so had Miyabi, so why--

The look was gone in a moment and Miyabi smiled sweetly at Temma. It was all sorts of terrifying.

“Temma~” Miyabi said, his tone a little bit like a song. All the little hairs on Temma’s arms rose as he shivered. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

* * *

That night, Temma couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, got up, streamed an unarchived drunk karaoke, played some games and… nothing worked. He’d lied his way through his date with Miyabi that day, but he wasn’t sure Miyabi had really believed him.

He was paranoid. He didn’t want to lose Miyabi at all, but at the same time, he felt like it would be just punishment for what he’d done. He didn’t know what to do. Should he call Shien? Should he admit everything to Miyabi and beg for forgiveness? Should he--

There was a notification on his phone that he hadn’t seen earlier. He opened the message, his eyes focusing on the sender’s name. Of course this guy would be up at this godawful time. Of course he’d been watching Temma’s every movement on stream. Of course he knew something was up.

 _What’s wrong?_ Astel’s message asked. _Call me if you need to talk._

* * *

Astel’s expression when he opened the door was downright frosty. There was anger there, but for once, the other man kept his mouth shut as he moved aside and motioned with his head to indicate that Temma should enter.

The door slammed hard when Temma finally made it in, however, so even if Temma wasn’t aware of the anger before, he definitely knew now.

“No,” Astel said firmly, standing in his way when Temma made to step towards the door again. He didn’t want to deal with Astel’s rage on top of everything else. He didn’t think he could handle it.

“Astel--”

“NO!” Astel yelled and Temma flinched despite himself. It was lucky this place had sound proofing or the neighbor would probably wake-up abruptly thinking they were under attack. “SIT THE FUCK DOWN, TEMMA!”

Temma obeyed. He sat uncomfortably on the couch, his hands folded on his lap like he was a misbehaving schoolboy being scolded by his mother. When Astel was kind, he was the sweetest man in existence. When Astel was mad--

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Astel asked, his voice high with emotion. He stood in front of where Temma was sitting on the couch and reached out a hand as if to hit the blond. His hand clenched into a fist inches before Temma’s face and then stopped before it made contact. He lowered it and let out a pained groan.

He was taking this so much worse than Temma had anticipated.

“Just-- just start talking, you asshole. Explain what happened,” Astel said, dropping himself to sit on the couch beside Temma. His sudden weight caused the balance to shift, and their sides ended up pressed against each other’s. Temma didn’t move and neither did Astel.

Instead, Temma began to explain everything. Slowly at first, and then all at once, he found himself spilling his guts to Astel. Everything. From how he’d begun to doubt Miyabi, to Shien’s feelings for Roberu, to the utter mess his emotions were right now.

Astel listened, but at some point he’d leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He didn’t interrupt, just made a few noises here and there to show that he was still listening.

When he was done, Temma felt a little bit lighter than before. He hadn’t expected it, since he’d thought himself beyond redemption by now. Too sullied to ever deserve relief from the crushing guilt he’d been carrying around.

Astel let the silence stretch for a while before he straightened and lowered his hands from his face. There was something in his eyes that Temma couldn’t quite decipher. Maybe it was exhaustion. Temma was suddenly sorry he had decided to bother Astel about this. The other man already had enough troubles on his plate to last several lifetimes.

“Uuuggghhh,” Astel said at last. He let out a loud sigh and then promptly opened his arms. “Alright, come here then, you goddamned idiot.”

“What--”

Temma was pulled into a rough hug and was caught so off-guard by it that he lost his balance and got dragged down on the couch so he was sprawled haphazardly on top of Astel, his face pressed close to the other man’s neck. This close, he could feel Astel’s heartbeat. Feel Astel’s breathing, chest rising and falling beneath him, soft puffs of warm air against his hair.

Astel smelled like citrus, wood, and home. He felt like forgiveness. Here was the person Temma should’ve fallen in love with but didn’t. The right choice at the wrong time.

Temma let out a small whine -- Why was he like this? Why was he thinking this _now_? What was wrong with him?! Was he broken?! -- and buried his face more into Astel’s neck. Arms tightened around him in assurance.

“Next time,” Astel whispered. “Come to me first. Not to Shien. Not to Miyabi. Not to anyone else. Come to me. You know I’ll take care of you.”

“I know,” Temma whispered back, the admission feeling like it was being dragged out of him by a hand covered in barbed wires. Something was coming loose within him, all his secrets, all his pain was being wrenched free. Things that didn’t need to be said were coming out into the open. He was bleeding out emotionally all over Astel and the stupid couch, and the other man was just taking it. But Temma had known, deep down inside of him, that this was going to be the outcome when he’d made that call earlier. It was oddly comforting.

He’d known for a long time now how Astel felt about him. Astel bullied him and teased him mercilessly, but underneath all that was a man who would walk through the worst hells to save him. That was probably why he’d instinctively come here at his lowest moment.

Because Astel’s love was the type that didn’t ask for anything in return. And because Temma had already run out of things to give.

“I’m sorry,” Temma said, not really knowing what he was apologizing for. Not loving Astel back? Taking advantage of him like this? He tried to move away but Astel’s arms around him were firm. “There’s really something wrong with me.”

“Yeah, that’s a given,” Astel said. His laugh was soft and a little bit bitter. “I’ve always been attracted to disaster.”

“Astel…”

“We’ll fix this, I promise,” Astel said, his voice low but determined. “ _I’ll_ fix this. Then afterwards, I want you to forget this moment and whatever it is you’re thinking about me right now. I’m not ready for it and neither are you.”

Temma felt Astel’s lips press warmly against his hair. He closed his eyes, feeling himself relax. He didn’t deserve this kindness, not after everything he’d done, but he was going to accept it anyway.

Because it was Astel. And when Astel got serious about something, he could move mountains.

* * *

Roberu wasn’t smiling. He was leaning against the counter of his bar, arms folded across his chest, and he wasn’t smiling. There was something flat and hard about his expression as he watched Temma and Astel approach, the utter silence of the still-closed bar amplifying their footsteps.

“I wish I’d taken up smoking,” Astel said, letting out a sigh as he pressed a hand to the small of Temma’s back and pushed him forward encouragingly. “The two of you stress me out so much.”

Something shifted in Roberu’s expression as he looked at Astel. The corners of his lips pulled up slightly, like he was going to attempt a smile but couldn’t quite pull it off. Not at that particular moment, at least.

“You’re the worst of SunTempo, Leda, don’t give me that shit.”

Astel grinned wickedly. “Don’t be like that. You know I love you, Robechan.”

Roberu rolled his eyes and let out a string of curses under his breath. “Sure. Anyway, I’ve got a bottle with your name on it if you want it, Leda. It’s in the back. Go get it while I have words with Temma over here.”

“If you hurt my beloved Temchan, I’ll castrate you,” Astel said lightly before he let out a little laugh. He gave Temma another encouraging push forward and then began to walk towards the back of the bar.

Roberu went silent again. It was only when Astel shut the door behind him that the bartender spoke again.

“The worst thing about that threat is he could very well be serious, doncha think?”

“Yeah,” Temma replied, shrugging. He didn’t know what to say to Roberu. Should he apologize? But there had been nothing between Shien and Roberu when everything had gone wrong in Temma’s life.

In fact, he wasn’t even sure why Astel had brought him here and called this the first step. What was Temma supposed to be doing here, exactly?!

“Do you want me to hit you?” Roberu asked, apropos of nothing. “Would that make you feel better?”

“Maybe,” Temma said quietly. “If it’ll help.”

“I won’t,” Roberu said, his tone brash and a little bit angry. His eyes had narrowed at Temma. “Because you don’t deserve to feel better after what you’ve done to Shien.”

“What _I’ve_ done to Shien?” Temma echoed, unsure where his own anger was coming from all of a sudden. He may not love Shien in the way he probably should’ve, given everything they’d done, but he definitely cared about the man’s feelings. The sadness on Shien’s face that he had tried so hard to erase -- in the worst way possible -- was still very clear in his mind. “I tried to give him a little bit of happiness because _you_ didn’t do shit. He was _devastated_ , Roberu! You kept rejecting him!”

A myriad of emotions flashed through Roberu’s face -- surprise, anger, pain -- and then he seemed to settle on just _tired_.

“I can’t do this,” Roberu said finally, after seemingly struggling with forming words. For a man who had a reputation for talking so much, it seemed he was completely incapable of verbalizing what he felt about Shien. He chewed at his bottom lip, a nervous movement that Temma had never seen from him before.

That was when Temma knew the extent of Roberu’s feelings. Because if it were about anyone else, Roberu would have been able to say or do _something_ . Roberu wasn’t the helpless type, far from it. But it looked as if he was scared of messing things up with Shien because Shien _mattered_ to him. In the most important way.

“Shien loves you,” Temma found himself saying. If he sounded like he was begging, he didn’t really mind. “ _Do something_ about it instead of being mad at me, will you?”

The silence between them was deafening. Roberu stood there, looking like he’d rather get executed than to make a single move that would clue Shien in to his emotions.

“Argh, fine!” he suddenly exclaimed, turning to kick violently at his bar. He yelped in pain afterwards and collapsed halfway onto the counter, so it didn’t look as cool as it should’ve. “I’ll do it! I’ll fucking do it! I’ll tell him!”

Temma watched as Roberu bumped his head against the counter a few times, the bartender making all sorts of noises like he was dying.

 _What does Shien find attractive about this guy?_ Temma thought, even as he covered his mouth with his hand and let out a laugh that he tried to disguise as a cough. _Well, if nothing else, he’s funny._

He hoped Roberu could make Shien happy.

* * *

Miyabi was next and that’s when Astel went above and beyond in his promise to help Temma fix things. He took all of the blame -- hell, Shien’s name never even came up -- and somehow made it out like Temma was a victim of Astel’s overactive libido.

“Temchan’s too nice, y’know?” Astel said with his little laugh, not even flinching when Miyabi’s hand moved and a glass-full of cocoa splashed onto his face and trickled down to his carefully picked clothes. The people sitting at the tables around them shifted uncomfortably. An obvious amount of conversation in the little cafe stopped as some people seemed to be trying to listen in, enough that Miyabi ducked his head down in embarrassment.

“Shut up,” Miyabi hissed. His fists clenched on his lap as he lifted his head to glare. “Why do you sound so proud of it?!”

“Because I am,” Astel said smugly, lying as easily as he breathed. “All I had to do was act all _emotional_ and he gave in. He wanted to make me _happy_.”

Temma stared at the little act playing out in front of him, his emotions warring inside of him. This was wrong. Astel shouldn’t be taking responsibility for Temma’s mistakes. He opened his mouth to speak -- to admit to everything -- but winced when he felt a sharp kick to his shin from under the table. Astel hadn’t even looked at him, how did he know?

Temma pressed his lips together and said nothing. He waited until the conversation ran its course, Astel apologizing in the end to a slightly mollified Miyabi. Somehow, it had worked out. He couldn’t quite believe that it had played out exactly as Astel said it would.

 _Miyabi will forgive me_ , Astel had told Temma before they’d planned this entire encounter. _Because secretly he pities me and the shitshow that is my life._

“I’m sorry,” Astel said again, looking properly contrite now. “I was going through something and--”

“It’s okay,” Miyabi said. He still sounded annoyed, but somewhere along the way, he’d reached out to grasp at Temma’s hand tightly. There was a possessiveness to his grip and Temma tried to match its fervor. “Just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t,” Astel promised. And then he excused himself smoothly, meeting Temma’s eyes once and giving a little nod before he left.

 _Don’t mess up this time_ , Astel said later through a message. He was typing for a long time before the next message came up. _I love you._

Temma had seen the same set of words from Astel a hundred times before -- most of the time even in the main group chat with the rest of the Holostars -- but this time he knew for sure that it wasn’t a joke.

 _I won’t. Thank you_ , he replied, adding a little heart at the end. He couldn’t say the words to anyone else, especially now that he was trying to be better for Miyabi, but he knew Astel would get it anyway.

* * *

This time, when Shien invited them, they all showed up. It had been months since they’d last seen each other in person as a group, and many things had changed in that time period. Roberu, for example, had an arm firmly around Shien’s shoulders as they walked, the other man leaning into him easily.

Amazingly, their friendship had held. In fact, it seemed to have gotten stronger. Roberu didn’t seem to hold a grudge, and Shien was nothing but thankful. They’d all collabed before this meeting and it had gone well despite Temma’s fears that it’d be awkward.

Miyabi and Temma had talked at length after the incident with Astel, and Temma had admitted to his insecurities about their relationship. He’d told Miyabi what he wanted and though he’d almost stumbled over the name, he’d said _Astel_ had given him a sort of comfort he hadn’t been able to get from Miyabi himself. It was a conversation that had been full of tears on both sides, but they had both promised to adjust and work harder at their relationship.

The open lines of communication made everything easier between them, and over time, Temma began to finally believe that everything would be okay. If anyone asked, he would gamely answer that he and Miyabi were happy together.

They were perfect. Nothing would break them this time.

Temma ushered Miyabi into the theater seat, arranging their food and drinks afterwards and making sure their bags were in a safe location near their legs. He sat down afterwards, the seat on his right still empty since the other boys were stuck in line for food. 

The trailers had already started playing and the theater was already dark when the others finally shuffled in with their haul. There was a lot of noise -- mostly from Roberu’s laughing -- and maneuvering as they tried to get into their seats around Miyabi and Temma. In the middle of the mess, Temma felt a hand come over his own briefly and squeeze. He looked to his right, ready to tease the person for making a mistake.

Temma’s words died before they could escape his lips. Astel met his gaze steadily for a brief moment, a small smile playing at his lips. He winked.


End file.
